Siri Prem Kaur 作 (日期未知)
Yogi Bhajan說：「 去分享，因為這是對你的要求。」 我一直想分享我與抑鬱症的經歷，現在我覺得我有足夠的勇氣這樣做。 在Yogi Bhajan教授的昆達里尼瑜伽中，我們說我們的思想有三個方面：負面的、正面的和中性的心智。 負面的心智在那裡保護我們，也是我們恐懼存在的地方。 正面的心智則讓我們忙絡起來，以這樣的方式行動。 中性的心智是冥想的心智，安靜的頭腦。 通常，負面或正面的心智會成為佔主導地位，以及導致不平衡。 我們傾向於要麼過於負面，要麼過於正面——而不是中性狀態。 在我的生活中，負面的心智一直很強烈，通常我都在掙扎，完全被負面的心智所淹沒，感到無助，淹沒在負面的海洋中。
2008年，當我開始練習昆達里尼瑜伽，並遇到了我的老師Shiv Charan Singh時，祝福進入了我的生活。 他向我解釋了負面的心智，以及這種抑鬱的感覺從何而來 — 在它背後是一種渴望歸屬，並想和我的靈魂、我的精神、我的意識合而為一。 當不受控制時，這種渴望有時會變成一種抑鬱的感覺 — 一個黑洞，我們試圖用我們能找到的任何東西來填補它：關係、人、孩子、事物、購物、旅行、暴飲暴食、酒精或任何我們所能獲得的東西。 當然，似乎從不會滿意。
對我來說，知道我竟可以與我的渴望一起工作，並且有可能把它變成正面的東西，而不是淹沒在負面的黑洞中，這是一個啟示。 我瞭解到，渴望本身已經是與宇宙的關係，宇宙也在渴望我們 —— 我們的意識，我們的關注點。 這就像電話，一直在響。 這取決於我們。 我們是接電話還是忽略它？ 昆達里尼瑜伽和冥想給了我拿起那個手機，並面對我的渴望的工具。 深入觀察它，而不是試圖逃離它或用外部的東西填滿那個洞。
我每天都坐下來練習。 我調頻，看著我的想法閃過。 我研究我的思想及其模式。 我用曼陀囉來切斷這些模式，並在腦海中設定新的振動。 正如 Yogi Bhajan 所說，曼陀羅的字面意思是精神波動，精神振動。 因此，透過背誦曼陀羅，我們剪掉了舊的模式，並設定了新的振動。 沒有必要淹沒在負面和抑鬱中。 真正有可能改變思想，感受一種深深的歸屬感。 當我看著周圍的人與自己的渴望作鬥爭時，我希望我的話能幫助別人找到他們內心的平靜，並知道他們屬於這裡。
Anya Poroshina，又名 Siri Prem Kaur，自 2007 年以來一直在練習昆達里尼瑜伽，自 2008 年以來一直跟隨Shiv Charan Singh 學習。 她出生在莫斯科，現在和家人住在阿姆斯特丹，在那裡她教昆達里尼瑜伽。
Yogi Bhajan said, “Share because it is demanded of you.” I have always wanted to share my experience with depression and now I feel I have enough courage to do so.
In Kundalini Yoga as taught by Yogi Bhajan we say our mind has three aspects: negative, positive and neutral minds. Negative mind is there to protect us and this is the place where our fears live. Positive mind is there to act and keep us busy. Neutral mind is the meditative mind, the quiet one.
Often negative or positive mind becomes dominant and unbalanced. We tend to be either too negative or too positive—not neutral. In my life negative mind has always been strong, and generally I struggled, feeling completely overwhelmed with negative thoughts and feeling helpless, drowning in the ocean of negativity.
Blessing came into my life in 2008, when I started practicing Kundalini Yoga and met my teacher, Shiv Charan Singh. He explained to me about the negative mind and where this feeling of depression comes from—that behind it is a longing to belong and unite with my soul, my spirit, my consciousness. And when left unchecked this longing can sometimes turn into a feeling of depression—a black hole which we try to fill in with anything we can find: relationships, people, kids, things, shopping, travelling, over eating, alcohol or whatever is available to us. And of course, there seems to be no satisfaction.
For me it was a revelation to know that I could work with my longing and that it is possible to turn it into something positive and not drown in that black hole of negativity. I learned that longing in itself is already a relationship with the Universe, which is also longing for us—our awareness, our attention. It is like a phone, which keeps ringing. It is up to us. Do we pick up the phone or ignore it?
Kundalini Yoga and Meditation gave me the tools to pick up that phone and face my longing. Look at it deeply, instead of trying to run away from it or fill that hole with things from the outside.
Every day I sit down and do my practice. I tune in, I watch my thoughts pass by. I study my mind and its patterns. I use mantra to cut these patterns, and set up a new vibration in my mind.
As Yogi Bhajan said, mantra literally means mental wave, mental vibration. So by reciting a mantra we cut old patterns and set up a new vibration. There is no need to drown in negativity and depression. It truly becomes possible to transform the mind, to feel a deep sense of belonging to my spirit. As I watch people around me struggle with their own longing, I hope my words can help others to find their inner peace and know that they belong.
Anya Poroshina, aka Siri Prem Kaur, has been practicing Kundalini Yoga since 2007 and has studied with Shiv Charan Singh since 2008. She was born in Moscow and currently lives with her family in Amsterdam where she teaches Kundalini Yoga.
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